Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The sounds of Fifty Shades

Music: Well this whole post is about it, so let's get to it!

I'm gonna jump right in. My current obsession is Fifty Shades of Grey. If you haven't read any of the books in the trilogy, then please, reorganize your priorities and get that ass to Target where it is 20% off. I'll wait. Jeopardy music. Did you get it? Good. Now, give up life as you know it, go read it, and come back and read this post.

In reference to even just the first book in the series, music is all over the place. E. L. James mentions actual titles and artists frequently to set the scene. I certainly appreciate it. Some, well actually a lot, of the music, I'd never heard of . In order to complete my circle of obsession, I knew it was time to gather all the music in one place, so I could listen and, ya know, see what pops up?

These are a list of songs that play in my own twisted head as I read the first book. Click this link, Music From Fifty Shades of Grey, for a list of songs that are really mentioned in the text. If you use Spotify, look up For Fifty, where you can listen to all the songs I've listed, plus the one from the link above.

If you haven't read the book, and intend to, PLEASE LEAVE THIS POST NOW! It is not my wish to ruin anything for anyone. Instead, I wish to pull at the already tightly knotted gray ties of those who have read the book, and can't get enough.

My thoughts are in red

Snow Patrol - "Just Say Yes" - The contract, sign it, don't sign it?
Goo Goo Dolls - "Iris"
Coldplay - "Paradise" - self explanatory
Coldplay - "Trouble" - plays in Mr. Grey's head as Ana leaves him
Maxwell - "Till the Cops Com Knockin' " - there is a bass line in this song that radiates through my bones. Every time Christian goes from calm, closes his eyes, then opens them with the intense hunger that Ana sees, the bass lines plays.
Maxwell - "This Woman's Work" - Maxwell does this moan cry thing that is Ana's "hallelujah". The softness of this song plays more in my head in the second book of the series.
Meshell Ndegocello - "Fool of Me" - Ana tortures herself with this song when she thinks of the way Christian makes her feel.
Heart - Barracuda - that riff, (I think that is what its called), from the beginning of the track,  is a great intro into whenever life in Seattle goes from normal, to "this shit is about to go crazy!"
Zapp & Roger - "Computer Love" - This is one of my favorite songs ever. I am so happy to share it with you all. Perfect for the email communication over the LOANED Macbook.
Lauryn Hill - "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You"
Nine Inch Nails - "Closer" - Come on guys! You knew that had to make the list. Welcome to the Playroom. I can smell the leather.
Radiohead - "Creep" - Can't have a story about a hot freak weirdo and not play this song.
K's Choice - "Not an addict". Christian is explaining The Contract.
The Breeders - "Cannonball" - Hmmm, hot sex! Okay, I said it!
The Breeders - "Do You Love Me Now?" - plays as a tearful Ana recalls her first ass slapping experience.
Bjork - "It's Oh So Quiet" - Ana realizes she has feelings for Christian.
Norah Jones - "I've Got To See You Again" - This plays as Ana sees Christian the first time. Record scratches to a halt when she falls into his office. Starts up again as she gazes at him from the ground. The music continues on low volume as she continues the interview and shifts nervously in her seat. The songs finishes as she attempts to regain her breath outside of his office building. WOW!
Norah Jones - "Turn Me On" - As Ana awaits that a possible first kiss to happen on the street, post their first cup of coffee,  Did I mention that my heart was soaring as he held her hand?
Kelly Clarkston - "The Trouble With Love Is" - Ana in turmoil
R Kelly - "Tempo Slow" - Ana's innocence goes bye bye to this.
Janet Jackson - "Any Time Any Place" - this could play at any time any place

Please LEAVE COMMENTS and let me know what you think. What would you add? And where?

Laters, babe

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The eX Factor

Mood: Frustrated
Music: Gnarls Barkley, Crazy

"Maybe I'm crazy. Probably."

Pshh, no doubt about it.

So, as some of you may have noticed, my blog title refers to the fact that I have a past quite different from the life I live today. Is that what happens when you grow up? Not for me, I didn't let go of my old ways until I was well into what many would call "the growing up years." I live life differently today due to the fact that not only is GOD incredible, but I recognize him today. He is my true love.

As I think about what my life was, being an eX party girl I am flooded with gratitude that I didn't have to grow up, my awkward years or college years, with Facebook! I feel like things would have been so different up in Cleveland Heights  (Go Tigers!) if I not only had to stress about what I was wearing to school but also what haters were posting about me on their facebook pages. I'm literally gagging in my mouth right now. I guess old school children of the 90s, that we are, used to just roll our eyes at girls we didn't like and write the occasional mean threat in the bathroom, across the hall from the Social Room/Cafeteria. (I've never done that, swear!)

In modern day, I am "friends" with a lot more people from high school on fb then I was while I was actually in high school. Sure the current friendship is often the same as it was then, the occasional eye contact, wardrobe judgement or no communication whatsoever. But now, in 2012, if I think a girl looks pretty, I tell her! What a concept. Instead of me thinking mean things about her, because her shoes really are a-dor-able, I compliment her and move the hell on with my day.

I am even bummed to realize the number of fun ass people that I didn't hang out with back then, because they were smart, or not smart, trendy or not trendy. Some folks on fb seem kind when commenting on my photos, thoughtful when commenting on my status updates, or incredibly hilarious on their own pages. I totally missed out on possible great science class lab partners who could have had me cracking up, and possibly letting me copy an answer, or two.

What do kids do today? I've seen stuff about online bullying and sometimes I think "If someone is your fb friend, and talking shit about you, can. you. delete. them??? I'm not trying to sound rude, please forgive me if I do. I really just don't understand the cyber world for chirren today. Do they accept friend requests from all classmates or do the boundaries of the social sturcture still stand? I wouldn't last a minute, either way.

Fast forward from high school to college. When my drunk dialing, (head hangs in shame), was at an ultimate high. I would wake for the day, at 2:30 pm, wander to the closest Subway/Gas Station for another punch in my card and french vanilla cappuccino and my head would begin to clear and I would recollect my obscene, unneccesary and degrading actions of the previous night. I'd close my eyes tight and begin to regret it all, at least all that I remembered. Then I would go call Sally to find out what else happened cause I really just didn't remember. How I dreaded having to see the face of anyone I had drunk dialed the night before. To look at them, in there sober eyes, and think "yep, I did say that wierd ass shit to you last night. And truth is, once I get drunk today, I will probably call you again tonight and do it all over again." Gag!

I just started putting the phone and the bottle down as cell phones became more popular. Thank GOD! I can't imagine me, out there, with the convenience of being able to drunk text someone. Now I'm not so old, or so far removed, that I never did it. But it didn't get as awful as it could have.

And what about drunk facebooking? Is that a term? I've seen on fb how people, wives even, have hated on significant others, via their status updtes at 3 o'drunk o'clock in the morning. Ouch! Not only does the individual look like a fool to the person they call out but then everyone in the fb world, dating back to elementary school AND future employers get a peak at their level of  "Oh no they didn't!"

I would have been a hot mess, drooling over the romantic lyrics of Celine Dion, chardonnay bottle almost empty, and a crush's inbox within my reach. Gasp, I shutter to think about the possible consequences.

So for today, I thank God for the life I have, the sanity I hope to maintain, and the fewer ways I embarass myself. And to the tweens out there, posing and posting their entire Pussycat Dolls soundtrack-ed life (do people still listen to them?) out in cyber world, I say "Sorry for ya".

Monday, June 25, 2012

Fifty Shades of OMFG

Music: Madonna, Like a Prayer
Mood: Mischevious!

I had it all planned out. My next blog post was going to be called Nap Time Nerd Alert: Brooke's Sudoku Adventures! And as exciting as that sounds, that is as exciting as my free time typically gets. But ohhhh, this weekend was spent WAY differently than I had intended.

My weekend, in the shell of a NUT.
Friday around noon, as I watched my daughter drift off into sleepy land, I wondered. What to do what to do? Post another blog? Play an invigorating of game of Sudoku, where I talk shit to my cell phone game App and dare the grid to give me something I can't solve. The thought popped into my head, my friend, who we shall call Kray Kray for the purpose of her anonymity, (a word I am proud to be able to spell quite well, wink), was on my ass about starting to read Fifty Shades of Grey. It's not that I didn't want to read it. I was actually quite glad that she got it for me as a graduation gift. I'm just a procrastinator and old maid when it comes to starting something new.

I find the book on the same shared shelf as The Little Engine That Could, There's A Wocket in My Pocket and B is for Bear. Unaware of what I am getting into, I plop down on the bed, next to sleeping Gia, and begin reading. Whoosh!!!! After only a couple of pages the intense chemistry of the main characters sucks me in like a vacuum. "Ferb, I know what we are doing today." Reading reading reading.

I was immediatley grateful that this book was in a series of 3, and that I could virtually read it forever. I don't want this post to be a spoiler alert at all so I will simply say, "Um, yeah, it's a really good read."

As my children's nap time went on I continued to explore the pages of the E. L. James novel. I was no longer sitting on my bed in my messy bedroom with laundry and sippy cups piling up around me. I was transported to Seattle. To a luxurious modern apartment. Watching and breathing heavy with the main characters of the book.

Damn you Kray Kray! I started getting mad. How am I expected to live my life now? As the clock ticked on I knew it wouldn't be long before my toddler children would wake and require trips to the potty, food maybe and possibly even...attention! How would I be able to do anything but keep my nose in that book? I lashed out at Kray Kray, in a friendly acceptable nature, via facebook, and released my rage about not being able to stay in the imaginary pages of this book, forever.

The kids did eventually wake and the husband did eventually ask me questions that I had to respond to like "Are you gonna read that thing all day?" The answer was undoubtedly, Yes. Or, no. I am not going to read it all day but for the REST OF MY LIFE! (Those caps represent deep creepy monster voice).

Worst Mom Ever
I had to tend to a preplanned trip to Target, hey hey, to pick up a couple of things. Book in my lap, kids in their car seats I headed out. Come on red lights I repeated over and over in my head. Unlike my usual speedy driver self, I welcomed yellow lights too and told myself "Don't run the light Brooke. Slow down. It's a safety issue" And I was back in the arms of Mr. Grey.

Mrs. Brooke Grey. Woh! That was wierd. Where was I?

Is this totally inappropriate, me reading this book as I drive, instead of engaging myself with the rest of the world, my surroundings, or even my cell phone (read previous post)? I look over at the car next to me. The female passenger is also reading a book.  Oh good...Oh not good. Her book has a title containing the words God and Religion.

I'm officially going to hell.

While at Target, I purchased Scooby Snacks for the kids, Book 2 of the Shades of Grey series, Pull Ups, Book 3 of the Shades of Grey series, and a Spider Man toy.

FACT: Beet farming can wait. I have a book to read.
Best weekend ever! Free time became fun time and presented itself whenever I could plant my family in front of food, videos, games or one another. Neglectful much? Yes, to them. But to me? No, not at all. Insert creepy smile here.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Recap of my phone free drive

Mood: Eager and happy
Music:  ►Shushybye Baby(I'm really gangsta this morning. With that said, I will not be posting a G rated song also, cause, well, it's already on.)

Sooooo, yeahhhhh, about that phone free drive I promised....I did it. Well sort of. Here's what happened. After I picked up los muchachos from daycare I opted to take them to Monkey Joes. For those of you who don't know Monkey Joe's is one of those places with all the different moon bounce thingys, pizza, arcade games that print tickets and over priced soda pop. (Haha, soda pop). I have never taken the kids there and thought that SURELY they would enjoy themselves and reward me the title of Greatest Mom Everrrr! (FYI, that prize comes with hugs, kisses and endless crying free trips to Charming Charlies. I'm the one doing the crying cause I want to buy everything and can't). But to be honest, I wasn't just trying to treat my kids I was trying to get out of making dinner. The fridge contains nothing of interest at this time and the idea of going to McDonalds and watching them melt down as we have to leave the plastic playground just didn't sound appealing. So off to Monkey Joe's we went. It was about a 7 minute drive from daycare and I am proud to say I kept my hands off the cell phone and on the steering wheel the whole time. I know I know, I rock.

When I pulled in the parking lot I was beyond stoked to see only a few cars. The fewer germy snotty children, the better. As we walk the entrance of Monkey Joe's my head is saying that the kids feel like they are walking into Willy Wonka's room where everything is edible, chocolate river is drinkable and chubby German kid is laughable.  But Bear is really saying "Don't wanna bounce. Don't wanna bounce." It begins.

Bear is not much of an adventurist. Reminds me of my shy monkey bar fearing self at a young age. But c'mon, this is bounce land heaven. The highlight of the visit for the kids was eating apple sauce and pizza.

Me: Bear lets utilize my smart phone and take
pictures of you wearing an arm band to send Daddy.
Gia: Wow Mommy, thanks for spending
 all that money to bring us to this
 place with great Applesauce.
 I managed to get Gia inside of a bounce thing but she cried the whole time. What's happening here? All I wanted was to put the kids down and bounce to my heart was content. Bounce so high I reached Care Bear land. Bounce so high in my casual work clothes. Bounce so high and not worry about the fact that I wasn't playing with my smart phone. Unfortunately, there was no bouncing for me and none for my brown bunnies either.

(Looks like I am going to need to shut this post down soon. In need of some entertainment, Gia is playing with the baby wipes, they don't grow on trees.)

When we were finally headed home I had to remind myself MANY times not to play with my phone. I discovered that where smart phone once occupied red light time I'd developed new GROSS hobbies. Such as picking my nose over and over and over. I know it's nasty but I was on an archaeological dig and not coming home empty handed. You know you do it. I was also staring at my face and finding minuscule pimples for the picking. Not my sexiest moment, but, to my defense, not my nastiest moment either. You saw the Blog Name: Ex Party Girl. I 've got some stories.

In the end, we got home. It was like a 20 minute drive. Technology had been replaced with Vanity. When we arrived I was not only booger and zit free but I was free of the bondage to my smart phone...Til the key was in the door, kids were on the couch and I drifted off to my land of unrealistic goals of home DIY designs, foods, fashion and arts and crafts. Pinterest. I love you Iphone.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Through the rose colored lens of my smart phone.

Mood: Alert, for now. Muah ha haaa!!!
Music: Rihanna - Rude Boy

I has to borrow someone's else's smart phone to take a picture of my smart phone. Addicted much?

So the other day I am outside playing water guns and water balloons with the mini Me's. For the record, no one was having as much fun as I was. With every slight whisper of the wind Bear would absolutely freak out that the toys would blow away while Gia stared at the odd shapes of the water balloons, but refused to touch them. I on the other hand was running circles in the driveway trying to get the kids going for a fun game of "Run away from the crazy lady with a water gun" - in order to tire them out so we could have the first ever 100% smooth transition to bed time.

It was in that moment that I stopped running around and quickly picked up my I phone to start capturing the fun that I and thought "Really Brooke? Can't you just have fun with the kids and not have that damn phone in your hand?" I'm constantly either taking pictures, updating my Facebook status, modifying pictures that I've taken recently or eagerly awaiting the world's precious comments about words and photos I've posted. GET A LIFE!!! (I'm screaming at me, not you. Please continue reading. And be sure to post a comment when you are done so I can check it.Wink wink and a Sarah Palin "You Betcha")

I can be in the car, at dinner, bathing the kids, doing arts and crafts, or even watching them on the potty and my tech obsessed self starts snapping photos or taking video. Lucky you reader, I do not post all the photos I take. How many shots of my children in underwear with paint all over them does the world need to see? Hmmm, at least 1 more. Here you go. You're Welcome.

The thing that bugs me the most about all this picture taking and world wide webbing that I do is that I'm not really PRESENT in what's going on. I am watching through the eyes of my smart phone. I am directing my kids where to stand or even altering images through Instagram to appear cooler than they are. I am taking the silly moments with my munchkins and making them into odd awkward kiddos once that record light comes on. Why would I do that? Bear, my son, is even going through a Posh Spice (yes, Spice Girls will be mentioned on every blog I post) phase where he refuses to smile at cameras.

Sorry Baby. Mommy can't help you right now. I have to post this picture to Facebook.
I've put my need to be a less than mediocore photographer ahead of the needs of my children. There have been many moments that I watch, camera in hand, as Bear literally tortures Gia. She gazes at me with this look in her eyes and pleads in the cutest babble for me to rescue her. Hold on baby girl. Let Mama get this pic. Who does that? Me. That's who.

I'm ashamed and at the same time not ready to change. Argh! Me and pirates, both angry and in bandanas.

And don't let me get started on Twitter. Why do I have an account? I rarely use it and I actually don't know how to. The tweets and retweets are way over my head. Hey. High School Musical may be my favorite movie but I still don't know how to work these gadgets and Apps that the tweens swear by.

How about this. I try one whole weekend, no, one day, no, an hour....How about this? When I pick my kids up from daycare today I leave my phone in my messy ass purse for the duration of the whole ride home. ONLY retrieving it to receive phone calls. 

I will let you know how it goes via Facebook, twitter, Instagram, this blog and Skype. Til then, enjoy the G rated song for today, I Want You Back by the Jackson 5. And by 'I' I mean Me. And by 'You' I mean my life before smart phone.

So it begins, after I brew another cup of coffee. Hold on a sec.

Alright, let's get her started. I have been wanting to start, and follow through, with a blog for many months now. So here I go.  A few things you should know for starters, I will start each note with a mood and music choice. Just to let you know what's going on in my kooky head at the time of my typing.

For today: Mood is WAHHH, BLAH, and did I say WAHHH? Music is Kelis, Bossy featuring Too Short.

Let's set some ground rules. Okay, I actually don't have any of those.

A bit about myself, I am a 31 year old wife and mom living in Grayson, GA. For those of you who have never heard of Grayson, join the other millions and gajillions in the world who haven't either. It's a tiny somewhat country-ish suburb on the outskirts of some of the more popular suburbs on the outside of ATL. Spell check doesn't even recognize the word Grayson! Yeah, hahaha. I live in one of those cities I use to make fun of allllllll the time. I would dog people cause they were from nobody land outside of Cleveland and that's where I live now. Ahhhh.

My kids are two little brown biscuits that I just wanna bite bite bite. Bear is 3. Gia is, in simple terms, 1 1/2.

Now that I'm a mom I have accomplished making many stereotypes true. My butt has zero shape, I wear comfy clothes that resemble garbage bags around the house, I eat dinner by 5 pm, and I've been wearing the same shoes since 2008. And I love my life. Sure I could use some new shoes and bras that fit my fat flap jack boobies, but the babies need pull ups, jean shorts, hair bows and fruit snacks. So I guess I can wait.

Here are the shoes I am wearing today. An in-law bought them for me three years ago. I would have never picked them out myself but I haven't bought anything else. Gia loathes them. Whenever I try to wear them, she has a fit and attempts to select something that actually matches what I'm wearing. Nuff said
So Kelis was getting a little out of hand for the office so we are gonna switch over to something G rated, story of my life, with the Spice Girls! And in their honor, I am typing with a British accent now.

I work part time as a Bookkeeper for an Air Taxi Service. It's pretty cool. Small company, a bunch of young guys. I am literally like one of the oldest people here. That's new to me. I'm the only female. That sucks when I need a tampon, but besides that, it's pretty cool. There is sort of a frat house mentality here. Not that they are dropping ruffies in my drinks and tossin pig skins about (brief switch to Canadian accent), but they are playing basketball with a hoop that hangs on a door, drinking an endless supply of Diet Mountain Dew and not knowing when Mother's Day is.

I'm not quite sure where I'm headed with this morning's rant so I might back out before I say something stupid like I think I'm getting my period.

Oh! One more thing. Me and Ken, the man I am married to, went to see Aziz Ansari last night. A-mah-zing! I felt like a grown as woman. I was totally stressed as me and Ken were both trying to follow different GPS programs on our smart phones. I don't think anyone was actually driving. Downtown parking was a nightmare and we didn't have any cash. You can tell I never go out. Once we finally parked and got seated, the show started late, which is right on time for us. Aziz was like a little Indian firecracker that I just wanted to put in my pocket but I can't cause he's so damn explosive. He joked about parents and married people and I laugh/cried because he was right on. Married women, at least this one, are squishy; my words not his.

Pause: Coworker just insisted I eat the other half of his chocolate danish. Loving my job.

And with that, I dine and ditch, with British accent.