Thursday, September 13, 2012

Might as well

Music: Staind - It's Been A While (singing it in my head to be exact)
Mood: Proud and Content

Hey Broooooke! Broooooke! You call out across the world wide web? Where you at? Although I imagined many tales of grandeur that I could fabricate in regards to my where about, I will simply stick with the truth. Baby girl's been busy. And when I'm not busy I am lazy as hell! When the kids are finally asleep my "self" time begins. And far too often that is spent playing some Iphone game that the same friend who got me addicted to Fifty Shades of Grey, also informed me about. After 30 or so minutes of that, I may, or may not, wash A dirty dish, so my husband does not think the that house work resides on his shoulders only.

But not tonight blog readers! (And I use the plural readers loosely, hoping that someone is actually enjoying my late night rant. Late night? It's 9:19 pm! Hahaha. Yes. Late night.)

Tonight, after putting my almost two year old sweet pea daughter to bed in her big girl bed, I proceeded to  wash one load of laundry and, wait for it...exercise! Yes! Me! Typically I think that speculating how my life would be if I lived on the upper east side with the characters from Gossip Girl, is brain exercise, and thee most exercise I should get in one day. But I've been making a somewhat slow, and crawling attempt and taking better care of myself.

I walk. Not on a treadmill, not on the city streets, but in the comfort of our guest room or living room to a DVD called The Walk Diet. 1 mile. That's what I do.  I struggle to keep up as I giggle to Tina Fey's reading of her audio book Bossy Pants. The work out is pretty slow pace.The instructor is adamantly reminding me not to worry as the beat picks up. "You don't have to dance" she says comforting the viewer. It's even kind of lame. But for me, just for today, it works. And for today, I can blog about it too!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Dreaming in Pop!

Mood: Anxiously Awaiting for my Coffee to do the damn thing!
Music: No Doubt "Hella Good"

Whooopppeeeee! Hello friends. No I didn't suddenly become too cool for school and stop writing blog posts. Or maybe I did? What had happened was, (hahaha), Life! LIFE! Life is crazy busy. And when I'm not busy, Ize ty-ud.

When I finally fell asleep last night I ended up having quite a dream. Heard of the group One Direction? They're five guys from London doing the whole boy band takes over the world - girls cry their eyes out - thing. I don't dislike them but I don't follow them really either. I have heard there current hit "What Makes You Beautiful". It's cute and catchy and I have fond memories of my cousins dancing to it. But as far as the latest issue of Tiger Beat with them on the cover, I haven't bought it yet and don't plan on it. (PS, Is Tiger Beat still out there?)

Back to my dream. I must have been a teenager. I was hanging out at my dad's church, like I did very often when I was young (not doing Bible study but being a hooligan). My sister Courtney and my childhood friend Rebecca were with me. Some how or other One Direction showed up outside the church and...well...easiest way to say this, they fell in love with us. We only talked to them through the door. By some weird miracle thingy that only happens in dreams, we suddenly had two more girlfriends with us. We couldn't get over the fact that there was 5 guys, 5 famous British guys at that, and 5 of us. (I even sleep with math on the brain.)

Please note that outside of the one dark haired member of the band, who is of course the hottest, I could not in real life pick those other cats out of a line up. So in my dream, they kind of had blurry faces. But I knew who they were.

So, in the dream, after the initial love at first sight encounter with One Direction we secretly plan to have a slumber party with them! Whaaaaat? Oooooooh (in the voice of kids teasing on a playground). Me, Courtney and Rebecca planned out the lies we would tell our moms about spending the night over each others house to watch a NKOTB special on HBO. But really we were going to be at some fancy hotel, with glass walls mind you, with One Direction.

When the guys showed up, first we just gazed at them, through glass doors, each of us looking at our respective One Directionee, like a prison visit. At some point we do actually spend time in the same room together, drinking huge glasses of white wine and doing synchronized dances. Just as my One Direction guy drops to a knee to, (get ready to tear up), PROPOSE to me, my dream perspective leaves the room and takes a huge look from the top of the hotel and I see people running all over the place.

Turns out Shaq has showed up with a camera crew to film a reality show called "BUSTED", where he catches, and interviews, kids who lied to their parents. People were running all over the hotel. Up and down stairs, in and out of corridors, like on Scooby Doo. The only person I could make out was Shaq because he was like three stories tall. He was running really fast. Suddenly I'm back inside the hotel and I'm running frantically with everyone else. I don't want to get busted. Then my son Bear runs up to me with his arms reaching for me to pick him up. I scoop up my sweet boy and run with him, knowing that Shaq is just steps away..away..away...awake. Then I am awake.

The dream is over. It's 6:30 am in real life. I am a little peeved that my One Direction boyfriend never proposed to me, but I don't have time to focus on that. The real world was waiting. I don't know what the dream meant and I don't really care to. If The Sandman chooses to send me to some alternate glass wall reality where I run from Shaq and have London boys falling in love with me, okay.

(Please note, I did Google the ages of the members of One Direction before typing this up. They are all over 18. Praise God)

Friday, July 6, 2012

Hotel night

Mood: Silly
Music: "Car Wash" Christina Aguilera remake.


9:10 pm, the actual time we arrived at our hotel in Knoxville

3, ice cream sandwiches we ate at a truck stop while waiting for a yuck storm to past

22, minutes the kids were enthralled with the surprise activity and snacks treats I packed for them

45, minutes it took me to make those damn treats

75, the interstate we're on.

1:54pm, Cincinnati ETA

Please enjoy this video from last night when we got to our hotel room.

Road Trip Day Two

Mood: stoked
Music: bubble guppies

New video!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Officially on the road!

Mood: Stoked
Music: Earth Wind & Fire: Boogie Wonderland

NUMBERS: 1 gas station employee almost injured from our vehicle's operator (not me)

3 stops we've made before even leaving Gwinnett County

Knoxville ETA 7:45

Here's a video. Hope this works


Mood: Exhausted
Music : Whitney Houston - "You give good love" (I'm singing along and I sound REALLY good)

That's right. I'm exhausted and we haven't even left for our Road Trip yet. "Where are we going?", you ask excited on the edge of your seat. Cincy-frickin-nati! With a side order of Columbus. To all my homeys back in the Heights, I am anxious to share the Ohio air with you. And to my folks here in the south, if you haven't been to Ohio, you are totes missing out. (Shout out to Aimee who uses the word totes, sounds adorable while doing it, and I want to breathe in her fun loving lollipop aura!) The Buckeye State! Home of the..,well you've got your buckeyes. Then you've got your chocolate peanut butter buckeye treats. You've got your buckeye necklaces. And....everything else! Theeee (don't get it twisted) Ohio State University, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (PROM!), Skyline Chili, Out - or - In, The Round Robin, hahahaha, Coventry and of course Cleveland Heights High School! Where my Tigers at???? H.E.I.G.H.T.S!

Yeah I've got school/Ohio spirit!

My mother, who my kids call Magee, is my copilot this weekend as we drive up, in her minivan, packed with my two little munchichis, loads of snacks, toys, books and children's DVDS!


I filled the kids lunchboxes, which they never use but are always excited to see, with dollar store fun and yummy snacks. I envision them openings the lunchboxes, squealing with delight, playing with the toys, eating the snacks, and then sleeping for the duration of the drive.
More containers with activities and snacks. Thanks for other GREAT traveling tips.

I know you're thinking, "Brooke, why aren't you taking your minivan?" Well, please do believe that between Mommy and me it's always "Who gets to drive their minivan?" She won out this time. Stay tuned for future blog post entitled "My Minivan Memoirs". Until then, please enjoy the crap out of this video.

Back to the road trip. Soooo A.D.D. Like you hadn't noticed. Hahaha. Remember that one time in 7th grade when Pearl Jam...wait, I've done it again.
We head out today, late afternoonish, and will travel as far as some place in Tennessee. I think Knoxville maybe. Mommy raves about some hotel there and some salad place she can't wait to take me to. Gotta love Mommy. Then, tomorrow morning, we'll be up at the supposed crack of dawn to finish our journey until we arrive in the land of the Cincinnati Bengals! Terrell Owens here we come! 
"What do you mean nobody wants me on their team?"

Oh, what? He's not there anymore. Oh, okay. Ocho Cinco! 
"Come on Coach, let me just send out one quick tweet."

Oh, what? Really? Him too? Well who is there? Do they still have a team? Rey Mauluga? 
Oh yes I know him. Oh good for him.

 My fabulous cousin Andi, who is a girl, (see the "i" instead of the "y"),  is getting married in August! Whoot Whoot! We are going to visit now for the wedding shower. My aunts are the most bad ass, awesome, intelligent, strong, Jesus loving party planners a girl could dream of. They are throwing the shower and have sent out marvelous invitations with the title "Hats at High Noon". The aunts don't play. It'll be classy and crazy fun! I've already picked up my Fascinator hat. So hip. So British. So me. 

I don't want to bore you out with all the details of my trip, and the surrounding details that my A.D.D wants to throw in there too. Why not? Cause I'll be blogging on the rode bitches! Yep. Me + Ipad + kids sleepin' the car (don't bank on it) = Blog City! Welcome to Blog City, population me and hopefully you too. "Won't you come with me?" - Mr. Rogers voice and odd gaze.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Just A Little Hot - Part I

Mood: Happy :)
Music: Zoe Deschanel

Wow Georgia! That was one hot ass weekend! And not because I was sashaying around in a bathing suit but because it was 106 damn degrees! I am not much for profanity, even though my first few sentences don't represent that, but it is safe to say that it was hot as Insert Four Letter Word.

So, keeping cool was the goal and having fun was an added bonus.

Friday morning me and the lil biscuits headed to the homey Mónica's house for some pool time fun. Sounds great huh? Welllllll, there was one issue. Bear, for days, was saying that he didn't want to go to the pool. He doesn't like "water play" at daycare when the kids run through a fun sprinkler thing. And he claims that he also doesn't like pools.

I've noticed that my first born has become more apprehensive around all sorts of things that I'd think he would enjoy. Such as, water play, bounce houses, and playing outside with water baloons. I'm not sure what is the cause. Oh, well there is the fact that up until I was 18 I was pretty much a sissy and afraid to do anything that didn't require a television remote or funnel with a plastic tube attached. Maybe he is just being my son.
I really wanted him to get into the pool even if he didn't want to make it his new fave hobby. I want him to walk through his fears and at the end of the day say " I did it. Even though I didn't want to. I ate that calamari or brussel sprout even though it looked different. I smiled at that lady in church even though she wears huge hats and sings very badly, very loud.  I went to bed at 7:30, no problem, and I really did feel well rested in the morning."

So, back to Friday morning, approximatley 10:30 am as we arrive at Mónica's new cutely decorated apartment. Bear has on his trunks already and I've convinced him that they are by no means a contractual agreement to do anything. The kids are very excited as we tour the homey's new place and they get to play with her Ipad.

Mónica applauding my children's fat germy fingers gliding across her Ipad.

Bear then starts getting a tad bit shifty as I take out the sunscreen, 70 spf cause I don't play, and starts to say "Don't want to go to the pool". I lie to him and tell him he doesn't have to get in the pool and he can just watch us.

The pool was beautiful. Best part? There was not a soul in it. I'd had a conversation with Bear the previous night to ask him why he doesn't like pools. It was determined that they are loud and windy.

Bear looking around as if to say "What you talkin bout wind?"
So having a pool all to ourselves was a dream come true. We could be quiet, calm and ease him into the fun. As far as the wind, I wish there had been more. When it's 100+ degrees wind is welcome. When the slightest breeze occured, like Thumbelina blowing out birthday candles, Bear would complain and get nervous. I told him that the wind was God waving down on us to say Hello. And in response, we looked up to the skies and waved Hello back. That worked absolutley wonderful. When the air was calm from no wind, Bear would say that God left. I reassured him that God never leaves, he just stopped waving. I sure do love when a lesson about the Lord gets worked into our day to day.

The next thing that really came in handy was having a Mónica in my life. As Gia and I entered the pool, and started to giggle with glee, Mónica watched patiently with Bear in their lounge chairs.Then, baby steps to sit next to the pool, baby steps put a hand in the water, then feet in the water. Before I knew it Bear was in his car shaped floating device, in the pool, with Miss Mónica guiding him around. And my baby boy was smiling. He eventually even took off his tank top and played in the water, without the car shaped floaty thing.

"I like this pool", Bear said. My heart melted. Yay team Bear!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The sounds of Fifty Shades

Music: Well this whole post is about it, so let's get to it!

I'm gonna jump right in. My current obsession is Fifty Shades of Grey. If you haven't read any of the books in the trilogy, then please, reorganize your priorities and get that ass to Target where it is 20% off. I'll wait. Jeopardy music. Did you get it? Good. Now, give up life as you know it, go read it, and come back and read this post.

In reference to even just the first book in the series, music is all over the place. E. L. James mentions actual titles and artists frequently to set the scene. I certainly appreciate it. Some, well actually a lot, of the music, I'd never heard of . In order to complete my circle of obsession, I knew it was time to gather all the music in one place, so I could listen and, ya know, see what pops up?

These are a list of songs that play in my own twisted head as I read the first book. Click this link, Music From Fifty Shades of Grey, for a list of songs that are really mentioned in the text. If you use Spotify, look up For Fifty, where you can listen to all the songs I've listed, plus the one from the link above.

If you haven't read the book, and intend to, PLEASE LEAVE THIS POST NOW! It is not my wish to ruin anything for anyone. Instead, I wish to pull at the already tightly knotted gray ties of those who have read the book, and can't get enough.

My thoughts are in red

Snow Patrol - "Just Say Yes" - The contract, sign it, don't sign it?
Goo Goo Dolls - "Iris"
Coldplay - "Paradise" - self explanatory
Coldplay - "Trouble" - plays in Mr. Grey's head as Ana leaves him
Maxwell - "Till the Cops Com Knockin' " - there is a bass line in this song that radiates through my bones. Every time Christian goes from calm, closes his eyes, then opens them with the intense hunger that Ana sees, the bass lines plays.
Maxwell - "This Woman's Work" - Maxwell does this moan cry thing that is Ana's "hallelujah". The softness of this song plays more in my head in the second book of the series.
Meshell Ndegocello - "Fool of Me" - Ana tortures herself with this song when she thinks of the way Christian makes her feel.
Heart - Barracuda - that riff, (I think that is what its called), from the beginning of the track,  is a great intro into whenever life in Seattle goes from normal, to "this shit is about to go crazy!"
Zapp & Roger - "Computer Love" - This is one of my favorite songs ever. I am so happy to share it with you all. Perfect for the email communication over the LOANED Macbook.
Lauryn Hill - "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You"
Nine Inch Nails - "Closer" - Come on guys! You knew that had to make the list. Welcome to the Playroom. I can smell the leather.
Radiohead - "Creep" - Can't have a story about a hot freak weirdo and not play this song.
K's Choice - "Not an addict". Christian is explaining The Contract.
The Breeders - "Cannonball" - Hmmm, hot sex! Okay, I said it!
The Breeders - "Do You Love Me Now?" - plays as a tearful Ana recalls her first ass slapping experience.
Bjork - "It's Oh So Quiet" - Ana realizes she has feelings for Christian.
Norah Jones - "I've Got To See You Again" - This plays as Ana sees Christian the first time. Record scratches to a halt when she falls into his office. Starts up again as she gazes at him from the ground. The music continues on low volume as she continues the interview and shifts nervously in her seat. The songs finishes as she attempts to regain her breath outside of his office building. WOW!
Norah Jones - "Turn Me On" - As Ana awaits that a possible first kiss to happen on the street, post their first cup of coffee,  Did I mention that my heart was soaring as he held her hand?
Kelly Clarkston - "The Trouble With Love Is" - Ana in turmoil
R Kelly - "Tempo Slow" - Ana's innocence goes bye bye to this.
Janet Jackson - "Any Time Any Place" - this could play at any time any place

Please LEAVE COMMENTS and let me know what you think. What would you add? And where?

Laters, babe

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The eX Factor

Mood: Frustrated
Music: Gnarls Barkley, Crazy

"Maybe I'm crazy. Probably."

Pshh, no doubt about it.

So, as some of you may have noticed, my blog title refers to the fact that I have a past quite different from the life I live today. Is that what happens when you grow up? Not for me, I didn't let go of my old ways until I was well into what many would call "the growing up years." I live life differently today due to the fact that not only is GOD incredible, but I recognize him today. He is my true love.

As I think about what my life was, being an eX party girl I am flooded with gratitude that I didn't have to grow up, my awkward years or college years, with Facebook! I feel like things would have been so different up in Cleveland Heights  (Go Tigers!) if I not only had to stress about what I was wearing to school but also what haters were posting about me on their facebook pages. I'm literally gagging in my mouth right now. I guess old school children of the 90s, that we are, used to just roll our eyes at girls we didn't like and write the occasional mean threat in the bathroom, across the hall from the Social Room/Cafeteria. (I've never done that, swear!)

In modern day, I am "friends" with a lot more people from high school on fb then I was while I was actually in high school. Sure the current friendship is often the same as it was then, the occasional eye contact, wardrobe judgement or no communication whatsoever. But now, in 2012, if I think a girl looks pretty, I tell her! What a concept. Instead of me thinking mean things about her, because her shoes really are a-dor-able, I compliment her and move the hell on with my day.

I am even bummed to realize the number of fun ass people that I didn't hang out with back then, because they were smart, or not smart, trendy or not trendy. Some folks on fb seem kind when commenting on my photos, thoughtful when commenting on my status updates, or incredibly hilarious on their own pages. I totally missed out on possible great science class lab partners who could have had me cracking up, and possibly letting me copy an answer, or two.

What do kids do today? I've seen stuff about online bullying and sometimes I think "If someone is your fb friend, and talking shit about you, can. you. delete. them??? I'm not trying to sound rude, please forgive me if I do. I really just don't understand the cyber world for chirren today. Do they accept friend requests from all classmates or do the boundaries of the social sturcture still stand? I wouldn't last a minute, either way.

Fast forward from high school to college. When my drunk dialing, (head hangs in shame), was at an ultimate high. I would wake for the day, at 2:30 pm, wander to the closest Subway/Gas Station for another punch in my card and french vanilla cappuccino and my head would begin to clear and I would recollect my obscene, unneccesary and degrading actions of the previous night. I'd close my eyes tight and begin to regret it all, at least all that I remembered. Then I would go call Sally to find out what else happened cause I really just didn't remember. How I dreaded having to see the face of anyone I had drunk dialed the night before. To look at them, in there sober eyes, and think "yep, I did say that wierd ass shit to you last night. And truth is, once I get drunk today, I will probably call you again tonight and do it all over again." Gag!

I just started putting the phone and the bottle down as cell phones became more popular. Thank GOD! I can't imagine me, out there, with the convenience of being able to drunk text someone. Now I'm not so old, or so far removed, that I never did it. But it didn't get as awful as it could have.

And what about drunk facebooking? Is that a term? I've seen on fb how people, wives even, have hated on significant others, via their status updtes at 3 o'drunk o'clock in the morning. Ouch! Not only does the individual look like a fool to the person they call out but then everyone in the fb world, dating back to elementary school AND future employers get a peak at their level of  "Oh no they didn't!"

I would have been a hot mess, drooling over the romantic lyrics of Celine Dion, chardonnay bottle almost empty, and a crush's inbox within my reach. Gasp, I shutter to think about the possible consequences.

So for today, I thank God for the life I have, the sanity I hope to maintain, and the fewer ways I embarass myself. And to the tweens out there, posing and posting their entire Pussycat Dolls soundtrack-ed life (do people still listen to them?) out in cyber world, I say "Sorry for ya".

Monday, June 25, 2012

Fifty Shades of OMFG

Music: Madonna, Like a Prayer
Mood: Mischevious!

I had it all planned out. My next blog post was going to be called Nap Time Nerd Alert: Brooke's Sudoku Adventures! And as exciting as that sounds, that is as exciting as my free time typically gets. But ohhhh, this weekend was spent WAY differently than I had intended.

My weekend, in the shell of a NUT.
Friday around noon, as I watched my daughter drift off into sleepy land, I wondered. What to do what to do? Post another blog? Play an invigorating of game of Sudoku, where I talk shit to my cell phone game App and dare the grid to give me something I can't solve. The thought popped into my head, my friend, who we shall call Kray Kray for the purpose of her anonymity, (a word I am proud to be able to spell quite well, wink), was on my ass about starting to read Fifty Shades of Grey. It's not that I didn't want to read it. I was actually quite glad that she got it for me as a graduation gift. I'm just a procrastinator and old maid when it comes to starting something new.

I find the book on the same shared shelf as The Little Engine That Could, There's A Wocket in My Pocket and B is for Bear. Unaware of what I am getting into, I plop down on the bed, next to sleeping Gia, and begin reading. Whoosh!!!! After only a couple of pages the intense chemistry of the main characters sucks me in like a vacuum. "Ferb, I know what we are doing today." Reading reading reading.

I was immediatley grateful that this book was in a series of 3, and that I could virtually read it forever. I don't want this post to be a spoiler alert at all so I will simply say, "Um, yeah, it's a really good read."

As my children's nap time went on I continued to explore the pages of the E. L. James novel. I was no longer sitting on my bed in my messy bedroom with laundry and sippy cups piling up around me. I was transported to Seattle. To a luxurious modern apartment. Watching and breathing heavy with the main characters of the book.

Damn you Kray Kray! I started getting mad. How am I expected to live my life now? As the clock ticked on I knew it wouldn't be long before my toddler children would wake and require trips to the potty, food maybe and possibly even...attention! How would I be able to do anything but keep my nose in that book? I lashed out at Kray Kray, in a friendly acceptable nature, via facebook, and released my rage about not being able to stay in the imaginary pages of this book, forever.

The kids did eventually wake and the husband did eventually ask me questions that I had to respond to like "Are you gonna read that thing all day?" The answer was undoubtedly, Yes. Or, no. I am not going to read it all day but for the REST OF MY LIFE! (Those caps represent deep creepy monster voice).

Worst Mom Ever
I had to tend to a preplanned trip to Target, hey hey, to pick up a couple of things. Book in my lap, kids in their car seats I headed out. Come on red lights I repeated over and over in my head. Unlike my usual speedy driver self, I welcomed yellow lights too and told myself "Don't run the light Brooke. Slow down. It's a safety issue" And I was back in the arms of Mr. Grey.

Mrs. Brooke Grey. Woh! That was wierd. Where was I?

Is this totally inappropriate, me reading this book as I drive, instead of engaging myself with the rest of the world, my surroundings, or even my cell phone (read previous post)? I look over at the car next to me. The female passenger is also reading a book.  Oh good...Oh not good. Her book has a title containing the words God and Religion.

I'm officially going to hell.

While at Target, I purchased Scooby Snacks for the kids, Book 2 of the Shades of Grey series, Pull Ups, Book 3 of the Shades of Grey series, and a Spider Man toy.

FACT: Beet farming can wait. I have a book to read.
Best weekend ever! Free time became fun time and presented itself whenever I could plant my family in front of food, videos, games or one another. Neglectful much? Yes, to them. But to me? No, not at all. Insert creepy smile here.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Recap of my phone free drive

Mood: Eager and happy
Music:  ►Shushybye Baby(I'm really gangsta this morning. With that said, I will not be posting a G rated song also, cause, well, it's already on.)

Sooooo, yeahhhhh, about that phone free drive I promised....I did it. Well sort of. Here's what happened. After I picked up los muchachos from daycare I opted to take them to Monkey Joes. For those of you who don't know Monkey Joe's is one of those places with all the different moon bounce thingys, pizza, arcade games that print tickets and over priced soda pop. (Haha, soda pop). I have never taken the kids there and thought that SURELY they would enjoy themselves and reward me the title of Greatest Mom Everrrr! (FYI, that prize comes with hugs, kisses and endless crying free trips to Charming Charlies. I'm the one doing the crying cause I want to buy everything and can't). But to be honest, I wasn't just trying to treat my kids I was trying to get out of making dinner. The fridge contains nothing of interest at this time and the idea of going to McDonalds and watching them melt down as we have to leave the plastic playground just didn't sound appealing. So off to Monkey Joe's we went. It was about a 7 minute drive from daycare and I am proud to say I kept my hands off the cell phone and on the steering wheel the whole time. I know I know, I rock.

When I pulled in the parking lot I was beyond stoked to see only a few cars. The fewer germy snotty children, the better. As we walk the entrance of Monkey Joe's my head is saying that the kids feel like they are walking into Willy Wonka's room where everything is edible, chocolate river is drinkable and chubby German kid is laughable.  But Bear is really saying "Don't wanna bounce. Don't wanna bounce." It begins.

Bear is not much of an adventurist. Reminds me of my shy monkey bar fearing self at a young age. But c'mon, this is bounce land heaven. The highlight of the visit for the kids was eating apple sauce and pizza.

Me: Bear lets utilize my smart phone and take
pictures of you wearing an arm band to send Daddy.
Gia: Wow Mommy, thanks for spending
 all that money to bring us to this
 place with great Applesauce.
 I managed to get Gia inside of a bounce thing but she cried the whole time. What's happening here? All I wanted was to put the kids down and bounce to my heart was content. Bounce so high I reached Care Bear land. Bounce so high in my casual work clothes. Bounce so high and not worry about the fact that I wasn't playing with my smart phone. Unfortunately, there was no bouncing for me and none for my brown bunnies either.

(Looks like I am going to need to shut this post down soon. In need of some entertainment, Gia is playing with the baby wipes, they don't grow on trees.)

When we were finally headed home I had to remind myself MANY times not to play with my phone. I discovered that where smart phone once occupied red light time I'd developed new GROSS hobbies. Such as picking my nose over and over and over. I know it's nasty but I was on an archaeological dig and not coming home empty handed. You know you do it. I was also staring at my face and finding minuscule pimples for the picking. Not my sexiest moment, but, to my defense, not my nastiest moment either. You saw the Blog Name: Ex Party Girl. I 've got some stories.

In the end, we got home. It was like a 20 minute drive. Technology had been replaced with Vanity. When we arrived I was not only booger and zit free but I was free of the bondage to my smart phone...Til the key was in the door, kids were on the couch and I drifted off to my land of unrealistic goals of home DIY designs, foods, fashion and arts and crafts. Pinterest. I love you Iphone.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Through the rose colored lens of my smart phone.

Mood: Alert, for now. Muah ha haaa!!!
Music: Rihanna - Rude Boy

I has to borrow someone's else's smart phone to take a picture of my smart phone. Addicted much?

So the other day I am outside playing water guns and water balloons with the mini Me's. For the record, no one was having as much fun as I was. With every slight whisper of the wind Bear would absolutely freak out that the toys would blow away while Gia stared at the odd shapes of the water balloons, but refused to touch them. I on the other hand was running circles in the driveway trying to get the kids going for a fun game of "Run away from the crazy lady with a water gun" - in order to tire them out so we could have the first ever 100% smooth transition to bed time.

It was in that moment that I stopped running around and quickly picked up my I phone to start capturing the fun that I and thought "Really Brooke? Can't you just have fun with the kids and not have that damn phone in your hand?" I'm constantly either taking pictures, updating my Facebook status, modifying pictures that I've taken recently or eagerly awaiting the world's precious comments about words and photos I've posted. GET A LIFE!!! (I'm screaming at me, not you. Please continue reading. And be sure to post a comment when you are done so I can check it.Wink wink and a Sarah Palin "You Betcha")

I can be in the car, at dinner, bathing the kids, doing arts and crafts, or even watching them on the potty and my tech obsessed self starts snapping photos or taking video. Lucky you reader, I do not post all the photos I take. How many shots of my children in underwear with paint all over them does the world need to see? Hmmm, at least 1 more. Here you go. You're Welcome.

The thing that bugs me the most about all this picture taking and world wide webbing that I do is that I'm not really PRESENT in what's going on. I am watching through the eyes of my smart phone. I am directing my kids where to stand or even altering images through Instagram to appear cooler than they are. I am taking the silly moments with my munchkins and making them into odd awkward kiddos once that record light comes on. Why would I do that? Bear, my son, is even going through a Posh Spice (yes, Spice Girls will be mentioned on every blog I post) phase where he refuses to smile at cameras.

Sorry Baby. Mommy can't help you right now. I have to post this picture to Facebook.
I've put my need to be a less than mediocore photographer ahead of the needs of my children. There have been many moments that I watch, camera in hand, as Bear literally tortures Gia. She gazes at me with this look in her eyes and pleads in the cutest babble for me to rescue her. Hold on baby girl. Let Mama get this pic. Who does that? Me. That's who.

I'm ashamed and at the same time not ready to change. Argh! Me and pirates, both angry and in bandanas.

And don't let me get started on Twitter. Why do I have an account? I rarely use it and I actually don't know how to. The tweets and retweets are way over my head. Hey. High School Musical may be my favorite movie but I still don't know how to work these gadgets and Apps that the tweens swear by.

How about this. I try one whole weekend, no, one day, no, an hour....How about this? When I pick my kids up from daycare today I leave my phone in my messy ass purse for the duration of the whole ride home. ONLY retrieving it to receive phone calls. 

I will let you know how it goes via Facebook, twitter, Instagram, this blog and Skype. Til then, enjoy the G rated song for today, I Want You Back by the Jackson 5. And by 'I' I mean Me. And by 'You' I mean my life before smart phone.

So it begins, after I brew another cup of coffee. Hold on a sec.

Alright, let's get her started. I have been wanting to start, and follow through, with a blog for many months now. So here I go.  A few things you should know for starters, I will start each note with a mood and music choice. Just to let you know what's going on in my kooky head at the time of my typing.

For today: Mood is WAHHH, BLAH, and did I say WAHHH? Music is Kelis, Bossy featuring Too Short.

Let's set some ground rules. Okay, I actually don't have any of those.

A bit about myself, I am a 31 year old wife and mom living in Grayson, GA. For those of you who have never heard of Grayson, join the other millions and gajillions in the world who haven't either. It's a tiny somewhat country-ish suburb on the outskirts of some of the more popular suburbs on the outside of ATL. Spell check doesn't even recognize the word Grayson! Yeah, hahaha. I live in one of those cities I use to make fun of allllllll the time. I would dog people cause they were from nobody land outside of Cleveland and that's where I live now. Ahhhh.

My kids are two little brown biscuits that I just wanna bite bite bite. Bear is 3. Gia is, in simple terms, 1 1/2.

Now that I'm a mom I have accomplished making many stereotypes true. My butt has zero shape, I wear comfy clothes that resemble garbage bags around the house, I eat dinner by 5 pm, and I've been wearing the same shoes since 2008. And I love my life. Sure I could use some new shoes and bras that fit my fat flap jack boobies, but the babies need pull ups, jean shorts, hair bows and fruit snacks. So I guess I can wait.

Here are the shoes I am wearing today. An in-law bought them for me three years ago. I would have never picked them out myself but I haven't bought anything else. Gia loathes them. Whenever I try to wear them, she has a fit and attempts to select something that actually matches what I'm wearing. Nuff said
So Kelis was getting a little out of hand for the office so we are gonna switch over to something G rated, story of my life, with the Spice Girls! And in their honor, I am typing with a British accent now.

I work part time as a Bookkeeper for an Air Taxi Service. It's pretty cool. Small company, a bunch of young guys. I am literally like one of the oldest people here. That's new to me. I'm the only female. That sucks when I need a tampon, but besides that, it's pretty cool. There is sort of a frat house mentality here. Not that they are dropping ruffies in my drinks and tossin pig skins about (brief switch to Canadian accent), but they are playing basketball with a hoop that hangs on a door, drinking an endless supply of Diet Mountain Dew and not knowing when Mother's Day is.

I'm not quite sure where I'm headed with this morning's rant so I might back out before I say something stupid like I think I'm getting my period.

Oh! One more thing. Me and Ken, the man I am married to, went to see Aziz Ansari last night. A-mah-zing! I felt like a grown as woman. I was totally stressed as me and Ken were both trying to follow different GPS programs on our smart phones. I don't think anyone was actually driving. Downtown parking was a nightmare and we didn't have any cash. You can tell I never go out. Once we finally parked and got seated, the show started late, which is right on time for us. Aziz was like a little Indian firecracker that I just wanted to put in my pocket but I can't cause he's so damn explosive. He joked about parents and married people and I laugh/cried because he was right on. Married women, at least this one, are squishy; my words not his.

Pause: Coworker just insisted I eat the other half of his chocolate danish. Loving my job.

And with that, I dine and ditch, with British accent.