Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The Road to Embracing My Womanhood: Part IV The Conclusion

Music: Janet Jackson "All For You"
Mood: Hopeful

I know what you're thinking
"Brooke's journey to womanhood is taking a long time. Will she ever become a woman? And when she does, will she still be as interesting?"
Oops, my bad. That's what I was thinking when I moved to Georgia.

Have ever thought you were going on a date and then some dude took you to Dairy Queen for their "Hot Eats." (True story, and the lame actually told me we were going for the Hot Eats.) 

Well that confusion and disappointment sort of sums up how I felt when we moved to Atlanta. Um, but it wasn't Atlanta. As we passed The Varsity and the Atlanta's skyscrapers grew further and further behind me, I realized, we were headed to the docks. The boondocks that is. Suwanee, GA. Where is that?
Suwanee, 42 min. from the city. But with ATL traffic, it felt more like forever.

Fast forward to 2003. I believe it was a Tuesday night in February. I was thrilled because my sister had just moved to "ATL" as well, and my life felt so much more complete because of her presence. I headed to a local bar with my sister and my ex, who I was determined to make fall head over heels for me again. Of course I had my hair, makeup and outfit just perfect that evening. Instead I met HIM. The man I would marry. I didn't know that then of course.

We don't have to shave our chest hair, we just don't grow any.
 When he made our relationship official, in the weeks to come, the moment was so dreamy. We were riding in his Jeep Wrangler with the doors and windows off. PS - me no likey riding in a car like that, weave just-a whippin' through the wind. B2K's song "Girlfriend" was playing, and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. It felt like a movie Was this the serious moment in a romantic comedy? Ya know that moment when you start to feel lumps developing in your throat cause you've finally reached the scene were you say "This is more than just giggles. This.Is.Love." - and then you cry.

My husband would be honest to mention that probably some time around that historic ride with B2K, many of the girly ways that I had fine tuned my entire life, started to change. My once plum lipstick, had turned to a gloss, then maybe chapstick, and eventually nothing. My outfits changed from A Night Out at the Roxy, to a night out at the Abercrombie and Fitch, to a night in with the doggies. I even recall once wearing a two piece oversized men's long john set around our house. Really Brooke? Best part is that Ken and I weren't even engaged then, and he still kept me around.
I'm gonna go ahead and say this is NOT turning me on.

The last day I dressed up. I kid.
Had it not been for my business professional jobs, I might have looked some what bummy all the time. I had awakened to the concept of "being comfortable in my own skin." This meant that I was happy and confident with me, me being a woman, me being more than my clothes or makeup, and me living a life where I would attempt to put others before myself. A life where I truly loved God first.

For the next few years I would forget that being comfortable in my skin could ALSO mean wearing cute clothes, pretty make up and being FEMININE. Becoming a mother helped perpetuate the idea that I didn't need to wear cute clothes or even a bra if I was home breast feeding babies and watching General Hospital all day.

Every moment, up to the present, was a significant part of my road to EMBRACING being a woman. I've recently learned that I can amazingly beautiful just by smelling beautiful. I can find satisfaction in even Lipsmackers Lip Gloss (I bought it for Gia and was amazed what it did for me when I snuck it on.) I recently bought a pair of heels! I haven't bought any since 2007 maybe. I blame the take over of flats, but really, I couldn't even walk in those things anymore. What makes me feel most beautiful is love in my heart, for others and myself.

As I embrace being a woman, a responsible, independent woman, a wife, mother, daughter, and sister I realized that there was a key missing part. I had to learn how to truly lean on women. I had to WANT to lean on them. As I embraced myself as a woman I could embrace other women as well. I trust them today. I need them today. My sanity and survival is not possible without deep meaningful, intimate, relationships with women. Wow, Brooke, that last line was reallllllly dramatic. Is that all really necessary?

You read my about my journey. What do you think?


Anonymous said...

This is where you cue Whitney Houston's "Im every woman" Great blog, you are such a talented writer, beautiful friend, wife, and mom both inside and out..Ummm Guys??? Ive got someting to say!!

phatcheex said...

Thanks so much "Anonymous"!!! I love you oh so very much! And I guess I literally do have something to say now! Muah ha haaaa!