Fifty Shades of OMFG

Music: Madonna, Like a Prayer
Mood: Mischevious!

I had it all planned out. My next blog post was going to be called Nap Time Nerd Alert: Brooke's Sudoku Adventures! And as exciting as that sounds, that is as exciting as my free time typically gets. But ohhhh, this weekend was spent WAY differently than I had intended.

My weekend, in the shell of a NUT.

Friday around noon, as I watched my daughter drift off into sleepy land, I wondered. What to do what to do? Post another blog? Play an invigorating of game of Sudoku, where I talk shit to my cell phone game App and dare the grid to give me something I can't solve. The thought popped into my head, my friend, who we shall call Kray Kray for the purpose of her anonymity, (a word I am proud to be able to spell quite well, wink), was on my ass about starting to read Fifty Shades of Grey. It's not that I didn't want to read it. I was actually quite glad that she got it for me as a graduation gift. I'm just a procrastinator and old maid when it comes to starting something new.

I find the book on the same shared shelf as The Little Engine That Could, There's A Wocket in My Pocket and B is for Bear. Unaware of what I am getting into, I plop down on the bed, next to sleeping Gia, and begin reading. Whoosh!!!! After only a couple of pages the intense chemistry of the main characters sucks me in like a vacuum. "Ferb, I know what we are doing today." Reading reading reading.

I was immediatley grateful that this book was in a series of 3, and that I could virtually read it forever. I don't want this post to be a spoiler alert at all so I will simply say, "Um, yeah, it's a really good read."

As my children's nap time went on I continued to explore the pages of the E. L. James novel. I was no longer sitting on my bed in my messy bedroom with laundry and sippy cups piling up around me. I was transported to Seattle. To a luxurious modern apartment. Watching and breathing heavy with the main characters of the book.

Damn you Kray Kray! I started getting mad. How am I expected to live my life now? As the clock ticked on I knew it wouldn't be long before my toddler children would wake and require trips to the potty, food maybe and possibly even...attention! How would I be able to do anything but keep my nose in that book? I lashed out at Kray Kray, in a friendly acceptable nature, via facebook, and released my rage about not being able to stay in the imaginary pages of this book, forever.

The kids did eventually wake and the husband did eventually ask me questions that I had to respond to like "Are you gonna read that thing all day?" The answer was undoubtedly, Yes. Or, no. I am not going to read it all day but for the REST OF MY LIFE! (Those caps represent deep creepy monster voice).

Worst Mom Ever

I had to tend to a preplanned trip to Target, hey hey, to pick up a couple of things. Book in my lap, kids in their car seats I headed out. Come on red lights I repeated over and over in my head. Unlike my usual speedy driver self, I welcomed yellow lights too and told myself "Don't run the light Brooke. Slow down. It's a safety issue" And I was back in the arms of Mr. Grey.

Mrs. Brooke Grey. Woh! That was wierd. Where was I?

Is this totally inappropriate, me reading this book as I drive, instead of engaging myself with the rest of the world, my surroundings, or even my cell phone (read previous post)? I look over at the car next to me. The female passenger is also reading a book.  Oh good...Oh not good. Her book has a title containing the words God and Religion.

I'm officially going to hell.

While at Target, I purchased Scooby Snacks for the kids, Book 2 of the Shades of Grey series, Pull Ups, Book 3 of the Shades of Grey series, and a Spider Man toy.

FACT: Beet farming can wait. I have a book to read.

Best weekend ever! Free time became fun time and presented itself whenever I could plant my family in front of food, videos, games or one another. Neglectful much? Yes, to them. But to me? No, not at all. Insert creepy smile here.